


The Gap You Left

by Black Blossom (DevilishKouhai)



Series: Secret Garden [1]
Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, FGO!Kiara/Kiara Lily and Andersen are childhood sweethearts, Mentally unstable characters, Modern AU, Murder and mystery (probably), Prequel, Psychological, Tragedy, introspective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 12:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19209859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilishKouhai/pseuds/Black%20Blossom
Summary: Dr. Romani, a well-known forensic psychologist in the City of Chaldea comes across a baffling case. As an expert witness in court, he arranges an interview with...his most interesting client yet.





	1. A Letter to the Little Match Girl (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young man writes to his irreplaceable person.

> _To my dear friend,_
> 
> _Words escape me as I try writing my feelings to you. The past days have not been amiable for both of us, but even I know that apologies would only offend any good intention I have in reconciling with you._
> 
> _So let me thank you instead._
> 
> _When I was beginning to lose hope in ever getting discharged, you came into my life; admittedly making that foreboding feeling worse for a considerable amount of time._
> 
> _I envied you, Kiara. You were always enveloped in light. You are loved, revered and admired--surely there are plenty of breaths which you have bated until your return. Unlike you, I have lost any people whom I thought would ever even wait for my return, and I suppose those previous feelings of envy fueled my desire to get well._
> 
> _I do apologise if my gratitude had very malicious roots. But thanks to you, I had hope._
> 
> _Perhaps if I ever have one regret, it would be that I couldn't see you for one last time._
> 
> _To the you I have unintentionally projected hostility on, I offer my eternal devotion. You were the only one who asked me about myself, and how I came to write my stories. You never judged my abilities for my age, and kept on encouraging me._
> 
> _Thank you for not telling William about that night. Thank you for watching the stars with me instead._
> 
> _I promised you I will never apologise to you, for that will belittle your affection for me. So instead, I want to tell you how much you mean to me._
> 
> _Every day, I feel thankful you came into my life and made everything look so colorful._
> 
> _You did not need to comfort a dying child and his hopeless stepfather, but you did. Thank you for looking out for William in your own way, and please...I implore you...from the bottom of my heart, know this._
> 
> _I never hated you. In fact, it is the complete opposite._
> 
> _If I could meet you in another lifetime, I would definitely fall in love with you._
> 
> _Please be happy Kiara. Continue basking in the light._
> 
> _P. S. By the time you are reading this clumsy letter, William had already given you my drafts. Please use them any way you like, for I dedicate all that I have written there to you._
> 
> _Wait for me, and let's watch the stars again when I get well._
> 
> _Sincerely,_
> 
> _H. C. A._
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

The letter crumpled in her grasp. Yet she, who was basking in the light, could only offer a smile.

"Liar."

He said nothing.

 


	2. A Letter to the Little Match Girl (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite his feelings of loss, Romani takes on a difficult case and attempts to move forward (with questionable results).

The sound of rain woke Romani up; a dull ache from yesterday's all nighter soon followed. When he looked around, he realized he was still in his office. Piles of paper were scattered around from his tossing and turning. He almost yelled 'coffee' when the headache worsened, only to be reminded that there was no one there.

He never realized how much Ritsuka brightened his dreary space, reminiscing the pang of regret that stabbed his chest when he nonchalantly approved her resignation form. He could imagine the scenario that would soon follow.

Every afternoon, his niece comes by after her classes to be his temporary assistant. She would scold him for letting her friend resign, and scold him even more for bringing his ennui upon himself. He would deny everything, then distract her with sweets to change the conversation. Mash would unwillingly let the topic go, carrying out her task for that day then would leave him alone.

 _"It was more peaceful with Ritsuka around,"_ he heard himself mutter as he rearranged the stack of folders that he had kicked in his slumber. Maybe he should buy a bigger sofa. Then coffee filters, then ring binders. Maybe he really should call her.

He stopped his train of thought. He glanced at the clock on the wall and estimated he has about an hour to tidy his office up before Magi Mari's stream.

Romani wanted to force his brain to take the day off, remembering how engrossed he was at analysing his client's letter last night. But before he knew it, his thoughts would wander back to it.

Hans Christian Andersen: an author who had gained fame after his death. His equally famous author of a stepfather, William Shakespeare published his son's works in his honor. Andersen died in his teens due to liver cancer. He spent most of his childhood in a hospital, writing stories for an unnamed friend.

Before he died, he got into an argument with that said friend, which was why he had written a letter for her, but it only made his friend more miserable.

_"A letter of reconciliation, but instead of placation, showed his fears with his looming death so transparently that his reassurances and desperate words only made their situation worse."_

He felt a strange kinship with Andersen. Mending something that is already broken, stubbornly holding onto a bond, saying the words you have kept to yourself for so long out of desperation---unlike Andersen though, he was a coward. He regretted ever accepting the case at such an untimely moment. The person who would inquire him enthusiastically was now gone. The sweet coffee she made, her overtime shifts, her contagious cheer. Mash was right. He hated it when she was right.

Are all women so complicated? They would be all smiles to you one moment, then they would disappear. Or they would claim they love you only to tell you they aren't worth your feelings. He did not want to criticise a client but, Sessyoin Kiara was a complicated one. He handled so many cases before, most mundane and utterly boring (which he hoped he knew before taking criminal psych) that she, suddenly proclaiming at the top of her lungs that she wants to incriminate herself was so refreshing.

Compared to Ritsuka, Kiara was way more relatable. At least he can acknowledge that Kiara's mutual feelings with her deceased friend is a factor in her odd request. Perhaps there really was more to a relationship than bonds, and perhaps, most likely, it was only he who had been deluding himself.

As his thoughts deepened, he was able to clean the entire office before Mash's arrival. The young woman had a look of surprise as she noticed how unusually tidy it was.

Romani vaguely recalled a taste of bitter coffee that was forced down his throat, but remained engrossed in his papers to even bother knowing if it was decaf or not. He knew she said something along the lines of resting for today, but dismissed it as he continued flipping the pages of his notes.

_"You'll miss Magi Mari if you keep on working, uncle."_

Perhaps if he was in a different state of mind, that statement would matter, even then, be heard. But all fell on deaf ears.

He was only able to become hospitable once he finished writing his notes.

 _"Welcome back to the real world, uncle."_ Mash said tonelessly, as if already used to his uncle's antics. Romani could only smile sheepishly as he ate the plate of stew she had made for him.

_"I didn't realize it's already dinnertime."_

_"Don't worry uncle, I have fed you properly."_ Mash was more soft-spoken and docile before, but perhaps so she could adjust to her uncle's merciless schedule, she had become a bit stricter. When Ritsuka was still working under her uncle, she was the one who was more dismissive of her uncle's low regards to his wellbeing. But now that she is under Ritsuka's shoes, she could understand why her friend was always worrying about him. He was like an overgrown infant!

_"Are you alright with staying up tonight? I can drive you back home. "_

Mash shook her head and gave him a small smile. _"I don't have classes tomorrow so I can sleep upstairs. Fa--- Lancelot gave me his approval."_

He decided not to tease her with her little slip-up. He knew how troublesome his brother was, and could understand Mash's hostility towards him. Your biological father suddenly entering your life again and making himself a part of your family had to be overwhelming. If anything, Mash's reactions were mild compared to Galahad's fiery tempers.

_"Okay, I will call your parents and say you're staying here."_

Mash said a hushed "yes" as she refilled his cup.

She and her brother grew up without a father. Galahad was especially overprotective towards their mother and Mash, acting like the father who had been absent for most of their childhood. He could understand why Mash insists on sleeping in his spare room most of the time. But unlike the little Mash who would call him uncle and tail him like a baby chick while doing his work, she was now a lady. His fatherly side wished his de facto "daughter" would find her peace. More than anything...what he really wished for would definitely be...

 _"Is Ritsuka eating well?"_ he caught himself say. His eyes widened at his statement, and Mash had this smug look in her eyes as she only smiled at him in reply. Romani, being a psychologist had a colorful imagination and only imagined his niece mocking him for asking an innocent question. He was also a sensitive adult who hated being looked down on so he couldn't help but become flustered at her silence.

 _"Well?"_ he stuttered, feeling his cheeks heat up in anticipation.

Mash was not the type to tease anyone, she was too serious and too straightforward for that. So she answered him immediately after her bout of bewilderment.

_"I haven't seen senpai on campus, but I can go to graduate school if you want. She said she wanted to treat me to lun--"_

_"No need!"_

Romani slammed the table instinctively, causing his fork to fly right out of his plate. Thankfully, Mash was agile enough to dodge its projectile. She gingerly held the fallen utensil in her hands before handing him a new one.

_"You should see her, uncle. You cannot live on that pride of yours forever."_

He looked away guiltily and sighed. _"It's her decision. I am her employer, and I fully respect it at a professional standpoint."_

_"How about your personal standpoint?"_

_"...."_

_"Uncle?"_

_"I have some shortcake in the fridge, do you want some?"_

Mash nodded meekly, about to resign to her fate before remembering something.

_"Emiya Shirou! Uncle!"_

_"Hmm?"_ Romani turned to her as he closed the fridge. _"Emiya? The chef?"_

_"Yes, he's holding a talk in our university. I think he would be helpful on your case."_

Romani handed her a slice of the shortcake as he sat back down at the table _. "Emiya Shirou, a former chef who then became a part of the military after losing his sense of taste. He is also Sessyoin Kiara's ex-husband." Romani listened to Mash half heartedly, more interested on the juicy strawberry on his plate._

 _"I know it's difficult to schedule an appointment with him but, I know a shortcut!"_ Romani nodded as if listening, but was actually thinking of methods on taking Mash's strawberry while she was distracted.

_"I did my research and I actually found out... That he's related to Ritsuka-senpai!"_

Upon his shock, the strawberry he was chewing lodged into his air pipe, making him choke. All of a sudden, everything made sense. A flurry of hope and anticipation bloomed in his chest.

_"Uncle?? UNCLE ROMANI!!!"_

Mash's voice sounded hollow in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a stable schedule for this fanfic yet, and I'm editing my story as I write. This part of the series acts as a prequel for the main series and I'm hoping it wouldn't be too long since I already have the ending in mind. Thank you to anyone who's reading this!


	3. The Trouble With Women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romani tries his best, both in work and in love.

Romani wanted a vacation. Desperately. He regretted working at the short time of break Mash demanded from him. He was so stressed that he swore he heard the ocean waves crashing in his ears.

With a self-incriminating client and his possible "future love life", Romani has his hands tied. He could not help but make comparisons of the two women making a mess of his life.

 **Opressor 1 - - Sessyoin Kiara** : a woman claiming to be mentally stable when her behavior says otherwise. She made a "generous challenge" to the poor doctor, daring him to ask her friends and acquaintances of her behavior.

"Go on, ask Shirou. I was a wonderful wife to him."

He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at her. It did not help that she was actually right! But that is for another discussion. Everyone he asked about Sessyoin had only good things to say; not a speck of the troubled, depressed mourner that Andersen implied in his letters and works for her. Even Shakespeare himself claimed he was comforted by her in his times of mourning. In his frustration, he asked her,

"Why do you not want a plead of insanity?" The evidences against her are weak to begin with. Her claims of murdering her childhood friend did not match eyewitness reports and forensic analyses. It was as if she convinced herself of her wrongdoings, and she was now trapped in her own delusions.

Kiara replied impishly. "Obviously, to be legally labeled as a nutcase isn't very appealing, yes? If I were mentally sound, I have no excuse of being incarcerated. Why are you denying my wishes, Archaman?"

Because you cannot legally sue yourself, you b--

He immediately shook away those hostile thoughts and took deep breaths. He remembered Emiya Shirou's words vividly in his mind.

"Please save her."

He hated that word. It implied he was doing her charity. Why is everyone tolerating her actions? Why is no one stopping her? Ritsuka, the very person who pleaded him to take the case did so with gusto. She looked at him like he was some miracle worker...like he was god. He fell for her pleas and was left all alone. He was confused. A part of him knew taking Kiara's case was an act of kindness from everyone else. But why is everyone taking it so far? And what is there to save from someone who wants their own downfall?

He looked at Kiara again and saw her childlike expression. She was happy despite the pile of evidences that will be used "against her". Rather, the "evidences" she had collected against herself. For a moment, he thought he understood Emiya's words.

"Because I am a doctor, and I care for your mental health." if she will be diagnosed with a mental disorder, he would at least be relieved to know there is a possible intervention for her seemingly saddening loss of sanity. "And to be honest, you are the first person who ever approached me and told me you want to sue yourself."

Kiara did not like his implications. "Are you saying I'm crazy?"

'No, I think I'm the one who is for accepting this case.' he wanted to say, but kept his retort to himself. He did not like the way their conversation was going so he changed the topic.

"Have you finished your Bender and Gestalt?" Kiara gave him a patronising look with his question.

"I know how your test works, doctor."

Of course she knew. She was a psychology major before dropping out to get married.

"Yes, but I know it better than you do. There is more to Bender than his weird shapes and curves."

"Ritsuka-chan is indeed quite shapely." Kiara attempted to distract him,

"T-that's not the point!" and it worked.

Amused, the brunette narrowed her eyes and said sweetly, almost poison. "I didn't know you are actually taking this seriously.

Romani felt goosebumps. All along, his client knew. So why? He looked at Kiara again, her expressions were unreadable. She handed her paper and pencil over to him after filling out the final flashcard.

"In the City of Chaldea, there lives a kindhearted doctor who would take on cases for free to those who could not afford it. He volunteers as a therapist in medical missions. He also prioritises family and became a father figure to his brother's children. If you really want to do this Kiara, then he is the only one who could help you."

There was a look of bafflement on the doctor's face. When he was about to open his mouth to ask Kiara about it, she only laughed prettily at him.

"If you knew, then why are you still doing this, Miss Sessyoin?"

She continued to smile, as dazzling and bright as she was.

* * *

 

 **Oppresor 2-- Ritsuka Fujimaru:** Graduate student. Assistant. His colleague Holmes introduced her to him, commending her academic prowess and work ethic. She graduated with honors at his alma mater, has universities and companies courting her left and right but she, as unpredictable as she is declared at his doorstep one day that she wanted to work under him.

He may be well-known in his field, but there were definitely better people to work under. Compared to his colleagues, he was young and lacking in experience. He didn't take anyone either. He can work perfectly fine by himself, and made sure to vocalize these thoughts to the girl standing before him.

"I beg your pardon, doctor but I disagree." she pointed out the clutter behind them, his disheveled state and even made it a point to touch the five'o clock shadow on his face. His heart jumped at her sudden skinship, and instinctively backed away from her.

"Y-you have no sense of personal space! And you can't take no for an answer!" he didn't realise he was pouting, and thought the redhead was laughing because she was mocking him.

"Just give me a chance, doctor." she even bowed at him to prove her sincerity. "I wouldn't leave until you say yes!"

Looking back on it, he knew that even if he rejected her that day, he would definitely give in to her if she tried asking him again. And like what Ritsuka predicted, his work has gotten lighter with her assistance. She worked at low wages without complaint. Romani, with a guilty conscience volunteered to check her dissertation and papers as recompense.

She became an irreplaceable existence to him. He grew up taking care of others so when she, with her forceful yet charming attitude declared that she would be taking care of him instead, his delicate heart was immediately swayed. He denied his feelings as the years went by, making excuses to himself.

He rebuffed Ritsuka's obvious flirtations. He always noted their 7 year age gap. He claimed Magi Mari is the only woman who would be suited for him. But Ritsuka tried again. And again. He built up walls again and again.

Until he realized one day that she wasn't there anymore. She became quieter, stricter and more professional. She would not invite him for dinner anymore and would instead bid him good night when her workload was finished. But in a twist of irony, her calmness made him tense. His once ordinary every days were replaced by a suffocating atmosphere.

He only felt the old Ritsuka come back to him when she excitedly asked him to take on Sessyoin Kiara's case. He realised how much he missed her and without a second thought, agreed to her suggestion.

"By the way, Ritsuka-kun."

His assistant looked at him back.

"What are your plans once you finish your Master's?"

He had it all figured out in his head. Whatever she would say to him after, he would say "I see," and kneel down at one knee. The velvet box in his pocket felt heavy like boulders. His palms felt sweaty and cold.

"I'm sorry, doctor. But I will quit." she bowed her head low, explaining something to him but all he could see was the letter of resignation on her hand. If there was anything noteworthy of what she was saying, it all sounded like some foreign language he couldn't wrap his head around on.

If he could go back to that moment, he would never let go of her hand. He would be like her, who never gave up on him. He would not let his pride take over.

* * *

"Ah, doctor. It's nice to see you here."

Her hair had grown longer, and she definitely looked more mature compared to her from 5 years ago. There was her usual smile, but it felt more distant. His eyes looked around for Mash nervously, his fingers drummed rhythmically on his thigh.

"Yeah, how's your Ph.D doing?"

No Mash in sight.

Ritsuka's smile only made him more petrified. "It's going well. Have you talked to Emiya Shirou already?"

He hated how she danced around the topic. She knew what he wanted to ask her. A part of him berated himself for overthinking. Ritsuka was the last person who would hold on to petty grudges.

"Yes," he mumbled softly, repeating himself after realizing she didn't hear him. "Thank you, Ritsuka."

The redhead's eyes widened at the change of his tone. "Without the -kun now?" she teased, hoping it would hide how fast her heart was beating.

"Yes, is there a problem with how I address you?"

She looked away, overwhelmed with the intensity of his gaze. "No, it's pleasant." a part of her wanted to dance in celebration. She wanted him to call her without honorifics for years. "I don't know what you're thanking me for though, Doctor."

"My cute assistant is now good at playing dumb huh," He quickly corrected himself after noting his Freudian slip. "I-I mean, you! You're not my assistant anymore and you're cute, no! I don't mean you're not but--" he inwardly groaned.

Romani felt a fire accumulating in his face and prayed to god it wasn't obvious enough for her to see. "You were the one who invited Emiya Shirou in this university, right?"

"I'm not sure I have that authority, doctor." she attempted to deny it but her voice was shaky.

"Ritsuka."

"Y-yes?"

His once fumbling hands are now holding her own tightly, as if making up for something.

"Will you go to dinner with me?"

The two were so trapped in their own world that they didn't notice a Mash Kyrielight holding her squeals in the background.


	4. To be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romani remembers something from his past.

_Romani didn't grow up with fairy tales._

_For as long as he could remember, his young self only held thick textbooks in his hands._

_Freedom wasn't out in the open fields, nor were they in the company of others. To him, freedom was in knowledge. It was in the strings of words and information the folds of his brain retain in his memory._

_He supposed different people have different definitions of freedom, and realized when he was much older that he really was free despite other's misgivings. Just because most people have a shared definition of the word doesn't mean his own should be overlooked, nor should it be trivialised._

_But reality isn't often as simple, especially for people who don't fit in particular molds like he did. To adults shaped by their experiences with wisdom, he was normal if not just a few years beyond his age. But to fellow children, he was...different. Abnormal._

_His childhood was warmer and simpler compared to the present._

_He remembered looking out the window in summer days, seeing his older brothers playing something in the shade. He remembered Lancelot's loud voice urging him to go outside and join them. He remembered turning them down, saying he has to study. His brothers would make a fuss, and their mother would come out from the kitchen with a rolling pin, shouting at them to keep it down; that he was studying. That he was doing it for the sake of their family and that they should support him. He remembered the warm feeling in his chest as his mother protected his precious moments, but afterwards felt guilty for pushing his brothers away._

_He tried his best to understand them, he really did. He felt happy for them, but he couldn't stand their lectures about his "reclusive" personality. As they grew older, those lectures carried a hint of hostility. Even Lancelot, the sibling he considered he was closest to made him feel like he wasn't part of them. They would continuously interrupt in his acquired freedom and forcefully shove down the freedom they know._

_Spending hours isolated in his room, reading textbooks, planning for his future, skipping grades, looking outside in an enclosed space; Kay called him a "caged bird". A puppet. A brain in the vat. He earned a punch in the face._

_"Look, Romani. I'm not saying this out of spite. The others...also mean well. But, you gotta understand why Kay made an outburst earlier,"_

_He didn't understand._

_"He wasn't angry at you. He...we're worried about you."_

_It certainly didn't feel like they were worried over the years._

_As they grew older, his parents began looking at Romani as the second head of the family. He was mature beyond his years, and he was more than capable at keeping the family's expenses afloat with side jobs and scholarship money. Needless to say, when their father died, their mother inevitably started looking at him as the next head of the family. This wasn't well-received by his brothers, especially as he was the youngest._

_Except for Lancelot, they started keeping their distance._

_Kay, perhaps was the most hostile to him. As the eldest, Romani thought he had expectations from their parents. Perhaps he assumed, as he had every right to, that the role Romani was given was supposed to be his. But when Romani voiced out his thoughts to Lancelot, the raven haired man only smiled bitterly at him. He seemed defeated, like he finally conceded to a losing battle._

_"Do you really see us that way, Romani? We're your family too."_

_Romani's heart felt heavy. He took one look at Lancelot's devastated expression before he looked away, ashamed somehow._

_"We've always been happy for you. We really are. To have such a diligent and well...a prodigy as a member of our family. Hah, if you just heard Gareth swinging praises about you, or Kay himself bragging about you to his friends...." despite the cheer Lancelot forced in his tone, he sounded like he was about to cry._

_"It was never about your adoption. It was never about jealousy. Sure, at first we felt inferior to you, sure, sometimes, we also wished our parents would pay attention to us but, if we really carry such spite," he paused, biting his lips. "Have we ever did something for you to be ashamed about? "_

_Now, he sounded angry. And everything that seemed so odd in his head started becoming clear. Lancelot had a point. Usually, in scenarios like this, wouldn't jealous brothers rebel, make trouble? But all of his brothers were exceptional students. Lancelot himself graduated valedictorian. If anything, rather than leading themselves astray..._

_"When you started becoming part of our family, we realized we gotta pull ourselves together too. We aren't as brilliant as you, but we want your burden to ease."_

_"Lancelot..."_

_"Do you want to know why Kay said that? You know deep down he didn't mean it. He's always like that, not honest with himself...but...perhaps, you really hate us."_

_He was too overwhelmed to even say "no"._

_"Our parents are expecting too much from you. We know you can do it but, we're worried about your happiness. There's a limit to how much you have to be depended on, Romani. And if our parents would tolerate their child losing the childhood he deserves, it's up to us as your brothers to protect the innocence you have left."_

_Innocence?_

_Was that why Kay could never get along with their father? Was that why Agravain would always look like he wanted to say something to him, but never really say anything at all? Did he ever actually wanted to live a normal life? Was everything he believed in a lie?_

_"You're only 16, Romani. Don't you have anywhere you want to be? Someone you wish to become?"_

_He...didn't know anymore._

* * *

 

"The patient knows?! I thought everyone is in on this. What happened? Did someone snitch on us?!"

He was expecting his colleague's disappointment, but he didn't expect it to be to this extent. Dr. Da Vinci was his consultant, handling the clinical aspects of Sessyoin's unique case. He may be a psychologist, but he still specialised in its legal aspects. Even hearing others call him "doc" sometimes felt like a sham, so he eventually acquired an M.D. to heal his broken pride.

Perhaps Ritsuka was right about his childishness surfacing late. He only realized his pettiness once she pointed it out.

"Relax, Leo. You're already aware she has a small background on behavioral sciences."

"Tch." He heard her disappointment from the other side of the line and only waited for her to calm down so he could share more information.

"It was a poorly masked plan anyway. That was why I didn't want to give her a projective test so early," to that, Romani agreed quietly.

He shared about his weird exchange with the woman in the span of their sessions. She knew enough about projective tests to fabricate some of her results, which was...nigh impossible even to people heavily exposed to them. Luckily, there still were interviews from concerned people as a source of information for them, but it needed more substance before they could make a proper psychological report.

Needless to say, they were on a standstill. That was why he personally requested for more people concerned with Sessyoin to account for her behavior after her friend's death.

* * *

 

His first visit was Emiya Shirou: the supposed husband that she eloped with when she was in college...or he assumed he was.

It turned out to be someone else. His marriage with Sessyoin was merely for convenience. He used her to earn a citizenship and they had a peaceful divorce after a few years.

"Kiara...she's nice. Too nice. We frequented charities and children's hospitals when we were married. She didn't ask for much. But around the time we were married, she only requested for me to spend Christmas with her and the kids."

Romani raised an eyebrow and was about to attempt further questioning before Emiya quickly corrected himself. "The kids at the hospital. They adored her. I think she mentioned about spending a part of her childhood there with an illness."

"Mr. Emiya," Romani looked at him intently. He felt like there was a hint of a lead closing in on him, he just had to be careful with his line of questioning.

"During the time she was your wife," Romani gave him a photocopy of Hans' letter, urging him to read it. "Were you aware of her relationship with Mr. Andersen?"

Emiya nodded, almost immediately. "Yeah. I know about this weird letter too. She acted really strangely after she read it. So I drove her to the hospital to see him. But after that, she was back to normal." He handed back the letter to the doctor and sighed.

"I didn't want to mention it since it seems unimportant, but I thought it might be helpful."

Romani said his thanks and asked him to elaborate on Kiara's strange behavior.

"We sleep in separate rooms. But one night, I heard a huge crash in hers." Emiya's expression looked pained as he recalled the incident. "Her belongings were scattered on the floor. She was clutching her stomach in pain. When I brought her to the doctor the next day, they said it was just gastritis."

"Was she under a lot of stress at that time?"

Emiya shook his head.

"I...don't know. I was deployed and just got back. She seemed okay. That's why I assumed she read something else in the letter that I wasn't able to understand."

* * *

 

"So it all points back to that letter after all. For such a famous writer, Mr. Andersen has his clumsy sides too."

"You shouldn't speak ill of the dead, Leo."

"Hmp! Let me have my amusement. I wanted to buy more time to gather more information, but one person made it more difficult for me."

"Sorry..." Romani apologised insincerely, causing the brunette to laugh.

"Well, it can't be helped if the patient already knows it's actual therapy. I'll come up with a paper in a few days. Ciao!"

"Sure, thank you."

The gradual beeping in the receiver sounded soothing to him somewhat. He wasn't initially going to call on Da Vinci so early but he couldn't forget the dream he had last night.

For all his life, he accepted their hatred for him. He reluctantly accepted that Lancelot was the only person of his brothers that care about him. If that coldness was only imagined, if his parent's warmth was actually suffocating him, then why did everything felt like a lie?

Was his perception of freedom actually warped? Was he ever really happy? If his brothers really care about him, then why did everyone drift apart? Why did Lancelot leave his children?

"Ahhh...it doesn't make sense." he felt his eyes sting as old memories came flashing back at him.

He couldn't help but blame himself from being blinded by his own self-hatred.

Did he ruin everything for all of them? Is he the one to blame for Lancelot leaving? If he was never adopted, could his family be happier? 

But, he couldn't ask anyone anymore.

His parents were gone, and so was Lancelot. He...ruined everything. Perhaps, he deserved this. 

Perhaps, his own meaning of freedom meant to face everything on his own.

 


	5. The Sweetest Cruelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romani accepts he is already an adult and stopped running away from his problems...until his (thirst) feelings for a certain assistant started surfacing back, and he had no choice but to accept his new role in her life.

Acknowledging faults had always been difficult for him, Romani knew. His pride caused him a great deal, causing his relationships with others to fall apart.

He realized when he was much older that he did this to prevent himself from getting hurt. But the flimsy protection his avoidance offered caused him more pain. Love, when spurned can become a double-edged sword. He believed hate is never the opposite of love, rather its darkest side. If anything, he considered apathy to be love's greatest antithesis.

In hate, a person concerned still has their existence acknowledged. But in apathy, a person's very essence is erased. Compared to being hated, being forgotten seemed to be more tragic a fate. That is why...instead of hating, he pretended not to care.

But life works mysteriously. One moment you thought you hated the world, and the next day, you become a hopeless romantic. Before experiencing it himself, he never believed a fateful meeting could change you so much.

That at some point, you would let all your defenses down, and acknowledge the hatred within your heart disguising itself as nonchalance. For him, those fateful encounters came twice: Mash and Galahad's birth and meeting Ritsuka.

The twins will always have a special place in his heart. Throughout the years, on his brother's absence in their lives, he became a father to them.

But Ritsuka...was different.

He was not made to love her. She was not family. She was...Ritsuka: a complete outsider.

She was the gentle hands brushing his shoulders, covering him in warm blankets in cold winters. She was the nagging voice in the background, barely heard as his splitting headache became more pronounced with many sleepless nights. She was the beautiful smile in his mornings, bathed in radiant sunlight reflecting her own. She was...everything to him.

But he supposed, just because a person meant the world to you did not mean they feel the same. At some point, people get tired, or they begin to see the real you and realized you were too difficult to love.

And at some point, you have to accept that it was you who changed, and they remained the same. That they have always been beautiful, kind, loving and warm.

It was just that, you never noticed until it was too late.

That in mending your broken relationship with her meant setting boundaries; fulfilling roles. An amiable yet distant relationship, but it was still better than never being by her side ever again.

Romani swallowed the hard truth and remained content with the friendliness between them.

> _"Just being by your side is enough, Doctor."_
> 
> _"Say doctor, are you really not interested in anyone? Cute assistants maybe?"_
> 
> _"I cook really well. I'm great with kids. Andddd I can do mean back massages. They don't call me Chiropractor Fujimaru for nothing, you know?"_

She changed. A lot. She had dreams now, bigger than even herself. She was so mesmerising when he listened on to her passionate ramblings. Clinical psychology? He couldn't believe it. He had always been nagging her to think more seriously about her future, yet the seriousness in her romantic proclamations made it difficult for him to deflect her feelings. She changed, but for the better. And in knowing just that...he was happy.

Perhaps he felt an obligation to guide her. She was young and promising, and he hated the idea of her realizing she had so much to live for when they were already tied down.

Perhaps she knew he felt the same, that it was bad of him to make decisions for the both of them when there could be a better alternative.

Perhaps it was best if she remained a colleague. A pretty colleague he would look at from time to time, like what he was doing now. Since he was awkward and clumsy with social interactions, he figured talking about work was the best way for them to spend time together. Da Vinci gave him permission to talk about Sessyoin's case with experts and experts-at-work after all, and true to Ritsuka's commendable work ethic, she was getting there smoothly.

He supposed admiring her pinned up hair and the spectacles framing her golden eyes was alright? After all, they were doing work. Like him, she gets really absorbed when she gets into something. So instead of interrupting her with questions, he waited for her to consume all the materials in the case so far with patience

After a few more minutes, her fixed glare in the clear book subsided, and she was back to the real world again. He had to look away when he realized he was staring too much when she was fixing her glasses, and decided to pretend he was sharpening a pencil nearby.

"I noticed something, doctor. But I think you and Dr. Da Vinci already did too."

Her seriousness was infectious that he started steeling his nerves instantly. He handed her the sharpened pencil and she thanked him quietly for it.

"This part, and this part of Mr. Andersen's letter is weird," she said as she encircled a few phrases in the photocopy.

'Ah, so she noticed as well.' he thought to himself. But he expected no less. After all, Ritsuka had always been a good student.

"Is this the only letter you procured, doctor?" she looked at him suspiciously but when he nodded at her in confirmation, her eyebrows furrowed.

"It feels...fragmented. Like it's been written over and over." She began giving him comparisons of the late author's penmanship. The letter contained his penmanship that was usually shown in the later pages of his manuscripts, which they noted to have become more slanted and smaller when he's writing for long periods of time.

"It matches his writings on the latter pages of his story, The Little Match Girl. But he has written this letter when he's already at the latter stages of his cancer. Didn't you say the doctors forbade him to write for long periods of time?"

He nodded, hiding himself from smiling."In fact, yes. But do you think it's possible his penmanship worsened because of his illness?"

"It's not an impossibility, doc. But even so...it doesn't explain the fragmentation of his sentences." She has a point.

"It's a solid statement, but we need to think of other factors. However," he looked at her warmly.

"The fact that you were able to come to that conclusion is commendable. That's also our leading theory, actually."

Upon his praise, Ritsuka's face felt hot. "I have so much to learn though. It's thanks to your guidance that I have gone this far."

"Compliments are nice to accept from time to time. I'm acknowledging your growth. I mean nothing else but that."

Ritsuka smiled bashfully, a color heating up her cheeks. 'How adorable,' Romani struggled to keep his thoughts in check.

"If you say so, doctor." he heard her giggle. "Thank you. Your acknowledgement means a lot to me."

Oh no. He just heard the sound of his self established status quo breaking into pieces. To preserve his (useless) adult pride, he cleared his throat.

"We're currently looking for the preceding letters. His stepfather confirmed for us that most of his written works were given to Sessyoin though, and they were not what we were looking for."

With that very sentence, Ritsuka's inquisitive nature was piqued.

"What kind of works?" upon Romani's smirk, she quickly defended herself. "I-it's not like I'm asking as a fan! I'm not going to exploit my newfound authority to read some unreleased drafts or anything. If I would, it would definitely be for work--"

"You're babbling, Ritsuka."

She laughed her flusteredness out. "You caught me. I may be...a bit interested. But I swear I'm not going to result to exploitation!"

Romani's smile only widened. He was feeling nostalgic. She may have changed but some things remained the same, and it made his heart feel warm.

"It's okay. Mash was quite star-struck herself, so you're not alone on that. Miss Sessyoin already gave us permission as well to read everything."

He handed her a few clear books containing photocopies of Andersen's works. Ranging from fairy tales to short stories, Ritsuka felt herself coming back to her childhood even though she never grew up reading Andersen.

Andersen was special like that. He made you not only acclimate yourself in his works, but his sometimes sarcastic and mocking stories were especially gentle. He remembered reading his reiteration of "The Princess and the Pea" and felt sympathy for the author's jadedness.

"His endings are always so sad, but it's a sadness that doesn't feel really sad...it's comforting somehow." he remembered Mash's comments as she read his newly published story compilations one day. It sounded almost similar to what Ritsuka was saying now.

Of course, because of both their busy schedules, she was not able to finish all in one sitting. The thought of seeing her again made Romani so happy that he contemplated on "forgetting" where the other clear books went to, but stopped himself prematurely on acting out on it every time.

Today she was reading the final clear book. He wanted her to read it peacefully so he decided to make something for her while she read.

After a few words of gratitude and several sips on her hot cocoa, she managed to finish everything. She had a look of satisfaction on her face that reminded Romani of the old Ritsuka he knew.

"Doctor, how were things when I was gone?"

He choked on his pocky at the off-handed remark. Where did that come from?

"I wasn't able to keep in touch for a while...ah...actually, maybe saying I was afraid is a more honest statement. I'm sorry, Doctor. You seemed like you wanted to say something to me before, but I never really heard it, didn't I?"

She was babbling again. Was she nervous? Did she think about what she wanted to say over and over in her head again like what Andersen probably did while writing to Sessyoin?

"Ritsuka..." he called out to her gently as an attempt to calm her down. And it seemed to be working.

"It's okay." she looked so small from where she was sitting, that he wanted as if instinctively to protect her.

"Can I come closer?"

She nodded meekly and made some space for him next to her. But she was surprised that sitting next to her wasn't what he was attempting to do.

He smelled of strawberries, this grown up baby who preferred sweets over other vices. 'Her grown up baby' she told herself as she accepted his embrace.

"You're not obligated to return my feelings. So please don't pretend you didn't hear anything. It's okay." His hand at the top of her head, felt comforting. "I'm sorry for making things awkward for you. But it's okay now. I'll always be here for you as your mentor." he said in between her soft breathing. Her trembling subsided as he stroked her hair. When he felt something wet on his shoulder, he pretended to look the other way to respect her privacy.

Sure, he felt hollowness when reality started slapping him with cold hard facts, while an expected outcome, he couldn't help but feel pained.

But that's not what Ritsuka needed now. He was also responsible for making things worse for them. A dinner could only scope so many topics, and talking in public wasn't the right place for them to sort out everything. He knew this would happen eventually. What mattered most was...

"I have no regrets in rejecting you, doctor." She almost whispered next to his ear. "Please hear me out. Oh god. I didn't plan to say this to you when I'm such a crying mess. I--"

"Ritsuka," he continued stroking her head. "Don't worry about me, just go on."

He felt her shaking her head. After a few moments, she pulled away from him, looking downwards. "C-can you give me a second?" she rubbed her eyes, still facing down. "Please, I want to tell you everything when I'm at my best."

Her insistence worried him, not for his sake but hers. It felt like she opened something painful for herself. She really needed to cease this "putting others above herself" shtick somehow. But despite his silent protests, he agreed and excused himself to go outside for a bit.

* * *

When Romani came back, a few slices of cake in his person, Ritsuka looked a lot better. Her eyes were still red and her pinned up hair was now let down, if not a bit messily but it was a lot better than before. He sighed in relief.

"Want a mont blanc?" he lifted up the cake box with the best smile he could muster.

"Thank you doctor. Cake is nice."

It became effortless to calm her down once cake was presented. He prepared her tea as well and joined her in partaking with some of the sweets.

It took a while for her to say something. She had always been like this when she wanted to say something she felt was important. Not wanting to waste a syllable, always considering how the other person would feel. Who knew rejections could be so gentle?

"Doctor. N-no..." Ah, she stuttered.

"Romani." she looked at him fervently, her eyes almost as fiery as her hair. "At my state now, the best thing I can do for you is to make coffee and make sure you eat three meals a day." She bit her lip before continuing again. "At first, I was okay with that but, I know eventually that we would come to a point that we're going to blame ourselves for things we couldn't control."

So she was thinking the same thing. Perhaps it was his fault for acting out on his feelings.

"I was too young. You were right."

They hadn't kept in touch for almost 2 years. But it didn't mean they weren't thinking about each other. Not at all.

"I realized, I had so much to experience and so much to learn. If I realized that later in life when I'm already by your side, I would have blamed you, and you would have accepted my accusations."

Romani's heart started beating fast. He didn't notice cream was on his face. His palms were drenched in cold sweat as his worst fears started coming true. But he managed to maintain a stoicness he never realized he could muster. If he loses composure now, Ritsuka would feel worse, and that was the last thing that he ever wanted to happen.

"...But it isn't your fault. Of course, you would never know that. More on, you always think that every wrong thing that happened in your life is something you're responsible for." She leaned closer to him and held his face with both her hands.

"Making you feel alone and different from everyone else is the last thing I ever want you to feel. I'm sorry..." she rested her forehead against his, then kissed it. A small smile curving up her face as she pulled away.

"I want to be the best version of myself when I face you again. I want to protect you, I want you to depend on me. I love you, I love you so much, it's ridiculous. I'm sure you knew it from the start. I wasn't being very subtle after all."

Why? Why? Why? Every time. Every. Single. Time.

This girl, this girl is the end of him.

"You're babbling again." he said as he pulled away from her, tasting her sweetness.

"Ahh! Did you just kiss me? Wait, that's unfair! I'm not prepared! Don't look at me right now! I'm supposed to be the pinnacle of elegance here!"

Even her babbling is cute. It's funny! The kind of funny you feel bad laughing about. But it's cute. So criminally cute that he wanted to keep it for himself.

Yes, only Ritsuka is capable of making him feel myriad of emotions in such shocking intervals. He wondered if he's menopausal but that's biologically impossible. The only possible conclusion he could muster is that he's so stupidly in love with this woman that he's uncovering sides of himself he wasn't sure were there before.

"You won't shut up. And you can't read the mood as usual."

Ritsuka's eyes widened. "What's with that dangerous glint on your eyes? Doctor? Doc? Romani? Eat the cake, not me!" Despite her protests, she was now sitting on his lap, her face in kissing proximity as she instinctively closed her eyes.

She anticipated the softness of his lips but only heard a loud thud.

"Old man, we're sleeping here today. Do you have any sna-- oh. You're snacking on something else, huh." Galahad sneered and jokingly covered his sister's eyes. "Nothing to see here, Mash! Let's go back once they're done making cousins for us."

"What are you, Galahad? Five?" Mash slapped his hands away, annoyed. "The best course of action in this situation is to pretend we didn't see anything and leave quietly! Now you made things awkward for both of them!"

The two kids started arguing amongst themselves that the new couple's romantic mood turned full on parental.

"It's okay, Mash. Ritsuka and I were...ehm. Done anyway. Do you both want cake?"

Like all the world's simplest pleasures, the incident was forgotten by the sweetest bribe the small yet warm space of Romani's apartment could ever offer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Writes an outline for the next chapter, with all the character interactions, their dialogues and reactions written out for convenience 
> 
> My characters: I'm about to end this man's whole career
> 
> So if anyone is reading this and wondering about my slow updates, it's because of this. My characters tend to write themselves and I have to keep up and edit somehow. It's ridiculous. Eh. C'est la vie.
> 
> I'm trying to end this with the best of my abilities (aka longer chapters) so we can get to the next part of the series as soon as we could. Sorry for the lack of Hans/Kiara. They're more central to the story on Secret Garden.


	6. A Dangerous Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mash encounters Kiara on a leisurely stroll. Lots of tea were spilled.

It had been a few months shy of two years ever since Romani Archaman had accepted Sessyoin Kiara's case.

Unlike the embellishments and exaggerations of fiction, forensic psychology was rather boring...at least from how her uncle described his profession. He was bored enough to earn a medical degree, went on hiatus, promptly avoided paperwork and looked like he was on the verge of fainting when he was seeing his own signature. Only his assisstant, now girlfriend (tentative) Ritsuka (senpai) was able to calm his nerves. While she had made temporary reparations in her uncle’s obvious emotional disturbance, it did not compare to the current state of him, now safely by her senpai’s side.

Truthfully speaking, Mash did not expect cases to take so long. There were so many legal aspects she noted, that the more she tried to make sense of them, the more questions she had found herself asking. Needless to say, it was complicated and she can sympathize with him being gradually fed up with it.

Perhaps the complexity of the procedures increased significantly with Miss Sessyoin’s case. She was no legal expert but she knew an act of a client requesting to incriminate themselves was unusual, much less so someone who claimed they committed murder to a victim who died several years ago through natural causes. Though this did not stop her dear uncle. Pieces of Miss Sessyoin’s case slowly started forming a big picture, and now she was quite sure they were almost at its final part.

However, there was a strange voice inside her that made her doubt its intricacies. Miss Sessyoin's mental anguish was very real, and so was her uncle’s efforts in helping her, but something seemed off and she didn’t know why.

Why?

Sessyoin Kiara is radiance in her own right. She is beautiful yet humble, tender hearted yet resilient, intelligent yet compassionate, wealthy yet charitable, God fearing and loved by everyone; she seemed like the last person to ever come up with the things she had done, or claimed she did. She believed this to be true until this moment when she had caught the said poster girl for immaculacy in a state of...disarray.

"Miss Kyrielight?" Her sweet voice was a huge contrast to her current physical state. She was covered in sweat, and leaves and other foreign objects were stuck all over her body.

So much for immaculacy.

"Oh, this? I apologize for my appearance. I am locating someone's furry friend but have no luck so far." Contrary to Mash's startled state, Miss Sessyoin remained her usual, dignified self beneath all the grime and dirt in her person.

Mash, as earnest as she was kind, immediately offered her handkerchief to the woman, meeting her gratitude in return.

"Allow me to wash this for you when we meet again." Mash's white handkerchief was now barely recognizable as it caught on dirt and sweat, but instead of worrying over that, she was more concerned about her.

"May I assist you in finding this 'furry friend'?"

Kiara's eyes widened a bit.

"Ahhh...Thank you for your offer." Was Mash just imagining it or did Miss Sessyoin's reactions didn't seem like her usual self? "However, I can look for Fou on my own."

"I see, so Fou-san is its name. Is it a dog or a cat?"

She certainly wasn't imagining it. Rather than grateful, the older woman seemed troubled with her politeness.

Mash was expecting a gentle rejection from Sessyoin but instead, she smiled wrly and said, "I suppose now that you know his name, it would be terrible of me to not take up your offer." She bashfully(?) explained that Fou was a therapy cat in a children's hospital. He was owned by one of the therapists there, and ended up in his current "job" because his owner conducted a study about the effectiveness of therapy animals on children with PTSD. Eventually, Fou became an essential part in the hospital. The children adored him. Mash noted the cheer in Kiara's tone when she recounted tales about Fou to her while they are on their search.

"How strange it is, Miss Sessyoin," Mash couldn't help but get influenced by her contagious joy. "Despite how Fou-san is so gentle and sweet to the children, he isn't very fond of his owner?"

"Merlin is a strange person himself." Kiara giggled. "My, I recalled how he tried throwing poor Fou out of the window. As you could tell, Fou didn't like it. What a violent retaliation it was..."

"There are so many suspicious phrasings in your sentences that I don't know where to start playing straight man."

They both started laughing. Mash couldn't help but admire the childlike innocence in the older woman's demeanor. She wasn't exposed to Sessyoin as her uncle or her senpai, so she often found herself shocked that such a wonderful woman was her uncle's client. In their ever rare encounters, Sessyoin was always poised, dignified and sometimes even brooding and mysterious. She had never seen her like this, and a part of her was convinced her uncle never had either.

Perhaps she was just naturally motherly. To be able to forget about everything else to assure the smiles of the children seemed to suit her. Perhaps...her apprehension with divulging information about the children's hospital was also her way of protecting the children.

'Maybe Miss Sessyoin didn't want the children to get involved in her case?'

Could someone so kind-hearted exist?

Her train of thought was interrupted by a blob of white fur suddenly charging at her. Mash, understandably overwhelmed tried to get away from the furry intruder, only to realize what it was.

"Miss Sessyoin, i-is this..."

"Fou..."

Mash swore she heard the little creature speak its own name. It was a tiny little cry, almost inaudible. For something domesticated, she didn't expect it to suddenly charge at her. Thankfully she didn't receive any injuries. Though...

"He's injured, poor little thing." Kiara cradled Fou in her arms, her eyes shifting carefully back at Mash. "It's too late for us to get out of here." Mash heard the sound of growling coming closer.

"On the count of three, I want you to go to there on the other side. If you turn at the corner near the cafe, a police station should be nearby. Kindly report to them about..."

Apparently, a rabid dog was on the loose in that particular part of the neighborhood. The local shelter is currently looking for it as it escaped while it was being rescued. That would explain the decrease of foot traffic in the area, especially near the elementary school. The locals must have already been informed.

Mash wanted a change of scenery in her usual leisurely strolls so it would explain why she wasn't aware of the forewarnings. Kiara must have went on an unusual path too while looking for Fou, as she seemed desperate enough to find him ANYWHERE.

Mash swallowed, trying to calm herself down.

"Will you be alright, Miss Sessyoin? You're carrying Fou-san with you."

The woman nodded at her. "I'll be fine. I know this area more than you do. Now go. I'll follow you once we lose track of it."

Even until now, she was being kind. No one could have possibly known the extent of her knowledge on the area but herself. She knew Sessyoin only said it to reassure her. She doesn't even know if the older woman is actually familiar with the outline of the place itself. Her admiration for Sessyoin only grew.

"One..."Mash promised to herself she would be a good girl and walk her usual path next time.

"Two..." She would also stop complaining about eating eggplants.

"Three!" Maybe she should give Galahad a hug too when she's back.

Her body moved on its own. She noted how the dog almost grazed her leg. But that didn't matter.

"Get away!"

Did she tell her mother she loved her today? Or was it being too dramatic? Truthfully speaking, she wasn't the biggest fan of dogs. Maybe she should buy Miss Artoria something to eat to thank her for taking care of their mom.

"Miss Sessyoin, run for it!"

Maybe it's okay to stop acting politely to her classmates. They were kind enough to accept her in their classes despite her younger age.

"AHHHHH!"

Her uncle deserved the second helping of strawberry in his cake.

"Almost there!" Despite the older woman's sacrifice, Mash made a daring move and lured the dog to the station. Miss Sessyoin looked exhausted and she was also carrying an injured animal. Despite her companion's reassurances, she knew it would be best if she could get the two to safety sooner than she.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Their plan worked. Thank goodness!

Inevitably, she received double the sermon: from the kind policeman who protected her, to Miss Sessyoin who scolded her for acting recklessly.

By a stroke of miracle, the policeman promised not to tell her mother. She had enough sermons for today.

* * *

After Miss Sessyoin settled the issue of the rabid dog with the policeman, the woman insisted for Mash to come to her home. She sent Fou to Merlin's acquaintance, who was a veterinarian and promised the younger man to bring Fou back to him once he was better.

"You skinned your knees while luring the dog to the station, didn't you?" Sessyoin's kind tone had a hint of warning. "My conscience couldn't live through it if I send you back without at least treating it."

Mash hung her head low in shame.

"Thank you, Miss Kyrielight. "

"I'm just glad you're safe."

An unreadable expression formed in Sessyoin's face.

"You know," Mash remembered hearing that tone. Sweet yet deadly, like poison. "Your kindness may be lethal to you someday..."

She suddenly felt something heavy on her shoulders. Was she imagining it? Did Sessyoin say something else?

"Eh?" Know what? She wasn't able to hear what she said after that.

But she may just be imagining it, for when she looked up at her again, the older lady had her usual kind expressions.

"Never mind. Now, let's get you patched up."

As Sessyoin promised, her wound was treated and she even offered Mash's clothes to be washed after the rough and tumble with the dog. Sessyoin further insisted that she should also have some tea and snacks and she didn't give any room for Mash to protest. So all the young lass could do is wait awkwardly at her living room.

She wasn't used to entering a stranger's place alone so her eyes wandered everywhere.

Huh?

Inside a gilded picture frame in her bookshelf...was a photograph of a younger Miss Sessyoin and the late author Mr. Andersen. They were both wearing hospital gowns and Sessyoin had the brightest smile on her face. She was hugging a surly looking Mr. Andersen who didn't seem to enjoy being photographed. Mash's curious nature overpowered her politeness.

She went closer and noticed copies of Andersen's works occupying a considerable space on the shelves. Near the gilded picture frame stood another picture frame, this time of a portrait of Andersen in his childhood.

"Mr. Andersen died in his late teens, I wonder why there aren't pictures of him in his teens here?"

"That's because I haven't seen him much in his teens. I was at college, far away."

!!!

Mash's heart couldn't stop beating so fast. Despite Sessyoin remaining serene and kind-natured, she noted something heavy in the air.

"I-I'm sorry for looking around..."she truly was. She already caused enough trouble as it is.

Kiara only smiled in reply, setting the tea and snacks on the table.

"No, it's fine." She poured Mash some tea. "Cream and sugar? Or do you prefer it with honey and lemon?"

"C-cream and sugar, please." Sessyoin nodded and made her tea as she preferred.

The air was completely still. It was a well-ventilated room but Mash couldn't help but find herself short of breath. This atmosphere was familiar. She recognised this side of Miss Sessyoin, even by just a hint.

"You can ask me if you want, you know. About Hans."

Mash almost choked on her tea.

"Careful, it's hot." she handed her a napkin and said something about making her another cup. But just as she was about to thank her, the older woman started shaking in laughter.

"Since you don't seem to be willing to ask me questions, can I ask you instead?"

Mash could only nod, feeling a mix of compassion and fear as she stayed glued to her seat.

"Mash, is it?" the sound of porcelain hitting porcelain felt like nails on a chalkboard in her ears. It was an unwelcome distraction from the heavy silence enveloping the room.

"Y-yes!" But Mash with an iron-clad resolve refused to be intimidated. If she showed she was afraid now, who knows what would happen?

Kiara seemed unaware (or if she was, she didn't seem to care) of Mash's apprehension.

"A freshman in college despite your young age. I see, you took after your uncle."

Her breathing became more unsteady. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Be unfazed, Mash Corbenic Kyrielight!

"Instead of giving you a normal life, he suggested you continue moving at your own pace. To be always ahead of everyone, but not far enough so other people can see how behind they are compared to you."

It was the truth, but she didn't like how accusatory her statement was. It was not like it's her uncle's fault or anything. If ever, there was nothing wrong with being a bit different from everyone else.

"Admiration and inferiority. Such a complicated feeling. I'm sure you have felt that directed to you before, sweetie? Your dear brother too. Fufu..."

She felt something stab her chest. They were unpleasant memories so she wished she to forget about them. In truth, her mother chose to give her a normal life, but under no one's fault did it turn out that it wasn't the life for her, or for Galahad for that matter.

> ' _Freak!'_
> 
> _'Suckup!'_
> 
> _'You don't need your notes! You're smart so you should be considerate of us, you know?'_
> 
> _'Showoff.'_

_No. No. No._

**_S T O P._ **

Kiara's pretty laugh made her snap out of her awful flashback. She felt tears in her eyes. A film of cold sweat covered her palms. But unlike the Sessyoin she knew, the person sitting in front of her seemed amused at her plight.

"Do be careful in walking ahead my dear Mash. Very soon, you'd realize you have no more to climb up to..." In fact, that seemingly amused woman cupped her face and smiled even sweeter to her.

"...What awaits is your inevitable fall from grace."

 _Cold_. It was so cold. Not her hands but her words. It felt even worse than the awful things she heard in the past. But underneath that coldness seemed to hide pain. There was a brief look of sorrow on Kiara's face as she looked at her, as if she wasn't seeing her but someone else.

"Yes. People like us, your uncle included...will only cause others pain."

Her uncle was right. Kiara wasn't mentally stable. She reverted back to her usual gentle self, as if the dangerous woman talking to her never existed.

"Therefore, like the little mermaid, we must atone that sin for the rest...of our lives."

That's right. This Miss Sessyoin...

...is the one her uncle is familiar with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prequel for this series is nearing its end. As usual, the initial drafts for this chapter is laid out in an outline, with dialogues near the end coming out first. I usually write with conversations between characters happening first so I have to think up of what transpired for them to have a particular monologue or conversation. (Yet despite the title, it did become more like a monologue and Mash seemed too intimidated by Kiara to actually talk back;;).
> 
> What do you think of the story so far? I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories.


	7. In Pursuit of Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mash was afraid. Artoria reminisces. The case took a turn for the worst.

It was rainy season again. The quiet of the afternoon was accompanied by the occasional pitter patter. Ritsuka was preparing some coffee in the corner, while Romani was poring over some paperwork he had put off in consideration of Sessyoin's case.

The same quiet day, the same familiar people. Mash hadn't realized how much she missed such a familiar scene. Because her senpai had finally returned, she didn't need to go to her uncle's office as often. She mostly spent her time with Galahad upstairs, often doing some schoolwork with the occasional video game and board game.

However, that wasn't the case today. She was tidying the shelves and doing as much help as she could. She saw Romani and Ritsuka exchanging looks occasionally, but paid it no mind. She thought it was a form of flirtation only couples could understand.

That was, until the rain stopped.

Ritsuka excused herself to finally cook lunch, and now she and her uncle were left alone. It was deathly silent at first, with the occasional rustling of papers. She thought he was acting oddly, perhaps with the way he somewhat looked like he was pacing on the floor despite his stationary state. Does he want to say something?

"Uncle?"

His forced stoicness looked off-putting. She had a feeling her uncle knew he was a bad actor too and eventually let out a long sigh.

"Did something happen, Mash?"

That came out of nowhere. She shook her head.

"Are you sure?" he insisted.

"Yes..."

When Romani put down his papers and approached her, she was taken aback. She felt his hand stroke her head, his smile warm.

"You have been spacing out," he kindly informed her, pointing to his Magi☆Mari towel she had unconsciously used as a rug.

Mash's face blanched at the sight.

"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't notice! OhdearwhatshouldIdothismusthavecostalot--"

"Mash."

"This is limited edition, right? Wait this looked like the specialwinterserieswithMarichaninarareRussiandress--"

"Mash."

"If I use my monthly savings, perhaps I can find one at Amazoness-"

"MASH CORBENIC KYRIELIGHT."

"..."

"It's okay." He continued stroking her head. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine."

Her head was hung low, but he heard a whisper of the word "No," from her.

"You and senpai must have been worried."

"Mhm..."

"I-I thought both of you were flirting."

"Not in front of the kids."

With that, Mash couldn't help but laugh. The couple had been very insistent that she and Galahad are their "children", binded by something far thicker than blood. Her mother would only laugh at their antics, while their father would smile quietly. It was still awkward having Lancelot around, she admits. It hadn't really sunken into her that he was back.

Lancelot didn't delude himself into thinking he'd have a happy reunion with his family, at least. And Mash was just glad that he had been so supportive of their mother at finally attaining her happiness.

Galahad...had not been so keen. He was mocking, irritable and downright territorial. He would hang around anywhere else but their house when their father would pay his visits.

Sometimes, he wouldn't come home. There were many instances when she saw her brother being dragged by Artoria, looking dead as the night. He would insist to sleep at her old penthouse, only to be brushed off by their mother. When Artoria would decline for Elaine's sake, he would take the spare key and run off. She had her rebellious moments at first too, but once she sensed that Lancelot was not going to threaten her current family's happiness, she had grown more accepting of him(though she had to admit that sleeping in her uncle's guest room was more comfortable at some nights).

"It couldn't be helped," Lancelot would always say with a forced smile. He would then bring their attention to his "potluck of the week", then they would eat dinner in worried silence.

Mash sighed thoughtfully, "The only kid I know is Galahad," she pouts, to which Romani agreed in his heart.

"Your brother will warm up to him soon," he said. "Everyone's still getting used to each other."

"I couldn't blame him though," she bites her lip. "It does feel weird. You and Artoria were more of a father to us."

Romani smiled in understanding. He knew how she felt to an extent, because that was how he felt at first too.

Unlike him, Galahad didn't have the years of experience and bonds he had with Lancelot on his belt. The young boy hardly knew him at all. Mash could have sensed that, probably even deeper since they were twins.

"Is that why you have been spacing out?"

Mash shook her head.

"It's nothing, uncle. Sorry for worrying you."

He had a lot more to say, but he kept his word.

"Okay. Let's help Ritsuka make dinner upstairs."

There was a glint of gratitude in Mash's smile, and Romani could only wish that whatever was bothering her would settle itself somehow. 

* * *

 

Mash knew it.

Her uncle was onto her. She wasn't the type to keep secrets from him, her mother and Artoria. The three raised her and Galahad to always be open with their feelings; they placed great value on proper communication, that was why she was nagging Romani so much when he of all people went against his word when he was still pining over Ritsuka.

She knew it was bad to keep something from him, especially when it was a matter concerning him the most; but a part of her wanted to protect whatever Kiara told her back then. The older woman seemed so troubled when she wanted to help her look for the hospital's therapy cat after all. Although it would be a lie to say it was the only thing that is urging her to keep her mouth shut.

> _"...What awaits you is your inevitable fall from grace."_

She could still feel shivers up her spine when she remembers their conversation. Kiara carried a cruelty that she had only realized now; it was a type of cruelty that is directed to the person herself. Anyone who she deems similar to her, would be dragged down in whatever despair or divine retribution she thought she deserved.

In a sense, it also reminded Mash of misguided heroes in her books. She said something about the Little Mermaid from her own friend's story compilations and wondered why she made such comparisons.

The Little Mermaid is perhaps Hans Christian Andersen's most popular work. It is a story of the titular character falling in love with a prince she had rescued from a shipwreck. She loved him and the idea of gaining an immortal soul so much that she made a deal with a seawitch to become human in exchange for her beautiful voice. Despite the witch's warnings, she accepted her deal and was able to become the prince's favorite companion when she became human.

Every step she took made her feet bleed. The pain was so great yet the little mermaid didn't mind if it meant being by the prince's side. However, her happiness was fleeting. The prince married and fell in love with someone else. Despite her sisters' sacrifice to bring her back to them, she couldn't kill him either. The little mermaid became seafoam, but was eventually rewarded by the heavens for her good deeds in her short life on land. She became a daughter of air, continuing what she has started for 300 more years before she attains the immortal soul she had always longed for.

"It was a gentle ending, so I wondered what she found so sad in that," Mash wondered to herself.

She didn't notice the knock on her door, and a flash of green eyes peeking as it opened.

"What 'sad' are you referring to?"

"A-Artoria..." her heart almost jumped out of her chest.

She heard that? Has she really been thinking out loud all this time? The blonde sensed something off about her expressions and decided she would stay a bit longer.

"Tell me, Mash. You were acting weirdly all day."

To make it a point that she was serious, Artoria went inside her room and sat on Mash's bed with crossed legs. She also had this "You wish you would tell me first or I'm telling your mother" look on her face, making Mash swallow.

Unlike her thoughtful Uncle Romani and her kindhearted mother, Artoria was the "tough love" type of parental figure. She was thankful she was harsh to her and Galahad for she could easily imagine themselves being more spoiled and immature without her around.

But is this really something Artoria should worry about? She had a rare day off at work; she didn't want to burden her.

"I'm just bothered about something," she decided she would at least give the blonde and idea of what she's feeling. She would feel bad for keeping it from her otherwise. Mash already had to muster up all her self-control to not confide in her uncle Romani after all.

Artoria was silent for a few moments, but her gaze had been penetrating. "It would feel better if you talk about it with someone,"she coaxed. "I don't need every detail, just tell me what you're feeling right with more...exposition. Or else, Elaine would notice eventually."

That was the last thing all of them would ever want. With her words, Mash was finally convinced.

"Is being the best version of yourself a sin, Artoria?" Mash said shyly. It was probably a weird topic to bring up all of a sudden, but it had been bothering her ever since her talk with Romani's elusive client.

"Do you consider it a sin, Mash?" she was surprised that Artoria answered her with another question.

"No,"

"I see. Then, that's your answer."

Mash blinked. "That couldn't be so simple, right? What about other people who would get hurt in your own struggles to attain your happiness?"

Artoria retained her cool composure. "But that is the thing, Mash. Each one of us is responsible for our own happiness."

It didn't make sense. Just what does that mean?

"What if...seeing everyone else happy was your joy?"

"Pardon?"

Mash realized her mistake. But it was too late to take the words back.

"Is it your joy...or someone else's?"

As expected of Artoria. She caught on quickly.

"T-there is this really kind person, but she feels that her happiness would cause others pain; so she always goes against her happiness and chases after a life of despair, thinking it would save everyone."

If Artoria noticed anything else, she didn't comment. In fact, her next words seem to be too understanding(blind, even).

"Is it a book you read about again?"

She didn't give Mash any time to answer.

"Mash, to pursue a perfect happiness that can save everyone is only ideal on paper. Attaining your own perfect happiness is already difficult in itself. Imagine doing it for billions of people."

"So, embracing the things you're good at, and loving yourself is okay?"

"Of course," Artoria flashed a rare smile.

"Perfection, to those who will live through attempting to attain it, and to those who would understand it, know it is a path thorned with loneliness."

Artoria's mind wandered back to the darker days. She had been so happy lately that she almost forgot it was a part of her past and not something that she just imagined.

"Do you know my birth name, Mash?"

She nodded. "Mother told us. It was Artorius, right?"

That name used to give her so much pain before, but thanks to Elaine and her children, she began to accept it as a part of herself.

"I was a product of a loveless marriage of two old-fashioned families who valued meritocracy a little too much. They couldn't give birth to a son," Artoria didn't even bat an eye as she delimited her parents with such a vague and thoughtless pronoun. "They named me that way and made me live as a man for most of my life."

She remembered being forced to take testosterone to gain more masculine features when her figure was becoming more feminine. Elaine met her at her worst. She treated her harshly but that woman only responded in kindness and love. Eventually, it made her realize what her heart truly wanted.

"I was raised to be the heir of some company, devoid of anything resembling human emotion. I thought that was happiness for me. I never questioned it and always thought it was my calling in life."

"Was it?"

Artoria smiled faintly, her laughter weak. "Far from it. If your mother wasn't there, I would have lived like a machine for the rest of my life."

There were more things that happened in-between, but that was another story to tell. She didn't want Mash to escape and bottle up her feelings for she sensed the younger one was using her story as a distraction from sharing her own. If the little lady was aware she was doing this, she would have felt guilty.

"The path to a perfect happiness wouldn't be so lonely if you have someone with you, especially someone as kind and loving as your mother who understands how arduous and painful it all is."

Mash could see the affection in Artoria's eyes.

"I'm not speaking for that character in your book. Perhaps that person's happiness has a larger scope than ours, and their heart big enough to contain every being in this world. But, not everyone is made like that. Life is too short to choose a path in which you know you couldn't be truly happy, at least in my own experience."

Mash felt a huge weight off her chest at Artoria's words. "You're saying everyone can be happy in a different way and I don't have to be like her even if we're similar?"

"Yes," Artoria stood up, taking the child who became her own into her arms. "Whatever you do, and whatever path you choose, know that your mother and I would always love you."

Mash couldn't help but burst into tears.

* * *

 

Seeing Artoria in his office was a surprise. After the young businesswoman turned away from her own family and built her own company from scratch, she had been very busy to the point that he couldn't even see his own (ex) sister-in-law at times. Elaine had been so worried about her spouse that she entrusted her children to him for some time.

Fortunately, the business flourished quite quickly, earning even Artoria herself a celebrity status, but that meant she had more burdens to bear. True, she had more manpower now but what could she want that she needed to come to him personally?

"Roman?" Artoria inquired curtly.

Ritsuka who answered the door had a momentary lapse of judgment. She forgot how beautiful Elaine's wife was and had admired her in awe.

"Ah, Miss Fujimaru. Congratulations on your engagement."

"But we didn't tell anyone yet..."

"So you really were."

"!!!"

She noticed another presence in the room so she missed the bright red blush on the redhead's face. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are but good day."

The beautiful brunette sitting on the sofa and trying to contain her laughter shook her head. "Understandable. I'm Leonardo Da Vinci. It's a pleasure, Madame Pendragon."

"Just Artoria would do." she cleared her throat to mask her awkwardness. "It feels weird hearing that outside of the workplace."

She turned to Romani who had been wiping what looked life coffee stains on his table. Ah. She had only been teasing his girlfriend but her assumptions were actually true. The two could be so transparent sometimes.

"I only came here to give you something," she held out an expandable envelope. "Mash is busy with a project and told me she wanted you to read this as soon as you could."

She declined an offering of coffee and biscuits, saying she had an appointment. Artoria left as briefly as she arrived.

"I can wait until lunchtime if you need to look at the papers," Da Vinci noted. "Or I can send it to you in fax--"

"No. I think you should read this too."

Ritsuka sensed the two are back in their work mode and decided to leave them alone. Before she knew it, they have been scrambling through stacks of paper.

Da Vinci, in particular was taken aback. "Your niece met with the client?"

"Apparently so, albeit coincidentally."

"Her report is so thorough. It reminds me a lot of my younger days," Da Vinci browsed through some illustrations in a small sketchpad. Her mouth gaped at the contents.

"These illustrations--!"

"I know." he looked at Da Vinci in concern. "We already know Sessyoin's connection with Andersen stemmed even earlier than her self-proclaimed murder. But this type of information is something that took us months to obtain."

"Yet your niece uncovered it in one haphazard tea party."

The two exchanged knowing looks and read more of Mash's report.

"I don't understand why she gave Miss Mash so much information so willingly. There is nothing new here, or did she know that?"

"She's enjoying this from what I could tell."

The two nodded in unison.

It was only when they were at the last pages of her report did she eye Romani in worry.

"What's that look for, Leo?"

Da Vinci weighed in her words carefully.

"Remember what I told you about that super urgent business? "

He tilted his head curiously. "About Sessyoin Kiara's recent test results, right?"

Da Vinci nodded, highlighting a few paragraphs in Mash's paper.

"I have some bad news."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to the Garden of Avalon drama CD for it gave me the inspiration to write/finish this. Please listen to it too if you have the time.
> 
> Just a little disclaimer I want to give: The message given in this chapter does not only apply to Mash and Kiara but also to everyone struggling to be the best version of themselves through utter fear of being shunned or rejected. NO ONE is entitled to your own happiness but yourself. You are beautiful, worth it and loved. I hope you would find someone who would make you feel like that as what Elaine did for Artoria.


	8. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year had passed and a lot of things changed, whether it be for better or worse. But one thing is for sure: those who have fallen will rise up and find themselves again.

No matter what he did, Romani can never get used to mental hospitals. It didn't really matter which kind there are; for the rich or for the poor, they all carried the same air (or lack thereof) that made him feel stuffy and suffocated. It certainly wasn't the smell--a mixture of patients who had bathed on better days and the bitter coffee on some rundown vending machine permeating through the lobby. He remembered the awkward silence and the forced small talks he had with some of their relatives. They would drown in bad coffee and painful conversations, and he would try to comfort them as they joke about being on the verge of being admitted themselves.

It was miserable. Particularly those in public hospitals. Patients were treated more like inmates. Blood curdling screams were something so commonplace that at some off days, he would find them rather melodic. He fondly remembered a colleague being reprimanded of by the psychologist in charge for handing a patient from the forensic ward a face towel for their group dynamics back in undergrad.

He remembered the children's ward and how a worried parent called them "demons" rather than children. How hollow their eyes looked, and how she did not want her child to be admitted. He remembered an in-patient tearfully telling him how his family had abandoned him there as a child and he was left there with nothing and no one.

Yet that was it. He just couldn't get used to it, but it did not mean that he hated it. Beneath all those miserable stories in that miserable lot of land lied stories of hope, gratitude and love. He remembered how widely they smiled once they were finally discharged. Their "thank yous" felt more valuable than his ridiculously high salary. He remembered how inspiring they all are, broken with shards of their old selves scattered all over but they managed to pick themselves up.

That was why he didn't want to give up yet...on her.

One year had passed since Sessyoin Kiara had been hospitalised. Her therapy had been, in an ironic twist of fate, interrupted by an actual court case concerning her. An act of violence against an innocent child. Attempted murder. He never imagined he would actually testify for her plead of insanity and win. But at what cost?

"Doctor, good afternoon, " the ward nurse greeted him curtly and escorted him to her room. He gave a usual fake smile as he entered, barely recognising Sessyoin in her catatonic state. "At least she's not in a straitjacket anymore," he convinced himself, trying to suppress the memories he had of her scratching her arms so much to the point it bled, or how she laughed so serenely but looked so off-putting as she held a knife to her own neck. She had completely snapped, and so suddenly too.

According to Da Vinci, it occurred in a park she had frequented. A child playing with his friends recognised her as a former volunteer at the children's hospital and asked her to play with them. Sessyoin immediately agreed, and even promised the boy to give him and his friends some snacks if she could buy it with him. The boy never came back, and in his parent's frantic search of him, found him at their doorstep in tears. Eyewitnesses reported that they saw a woman matching Kiara's features with a bloodstained glass shard in the opposite direction of the boy's whereabouts. Thankfully, the boy was clever enough to escape and make her lose sight of him.

Contrary to her more...stable state, the current Kiara answered honestly in her psychological tests if she was encouraged properly. The boy, according to her written tests "looked just the same as him", that was why "she had to take her with him". She was heavily injured when they found her, so Da Vinci presumed she wanted to commit double suicide.

It was Da Vinci who had been handling that boy's therapy so he saw him from time-to-time. He found it rather sad that both the boy and Sessyoin didn't look like they were getting any better. Progress had been slow, and both suffered from so many, imperceptible psychological wounds.

"Kiara," he nodded at the ward nurse that took it as a signal to leave the both of them alone. The doctor switched to a first-name basis when she was admitted to get her to open up more. It didn't work. She just looked at him like usual.

"Ahh...it's cloudy outside huh? Do you like cloudy days, Kiara?"

"..."

"Do you want to hear how my day went?"

"..."

"Oh, if you insist! I'll tell you!"

Nothing today too, huh.

It was getting harder and harder for him to fake cheer. It felt like he was talking to a doll. He handled catatonic patients like her before so he didn't feel as nervous when her dead eyes looked at him blankly.

"I found out my wife was pregnant. We fought on my way here actually. She said the only thing I do at home is sleep nowadays." it was easier to ramble to someone who wouldn't retort. Oftentimes, he caught himself asking "Hey, are you my therapist now?" only to laugh at himself when she remained silent.

"You've been doing some good progress lately." he continued the one-sided conversation as he browsed at her test results, showing nothing new. "It certainly was better than months ago." Although comparing the her from months ago who could not even hold a pencil and a paper properly didn't seem to be a fair comparison.

Twenty minutes. Nothing. He noted the time interval on a piece of paper and continued observing her (while making small talk in between).

Thirty.

Forty.

Forty five.

One hour.

...it looked like it was the same as her previous session.

"Okay, Kiara. You're going to listen to some music again. Remember last time?" His well-practiced lines came out as smoothly as his hand movements. In a matter of seconds, she had a cheap pair of headphones in her ear and a soothing ballad played on an equally cheap mp3 player connected to it.

"You like this song, don't you?"

**[~♪♪♪~](https://youtu.be/v_P1UWle3jc) **

He felt a slight movement from her direction at his inquiry. At least she remained responsive to that. According to Mr. Shakespeare, she used to sing that song to Hans to calm him down when the side effects of his chemo had been too painful. Once Kiara started going to university, Hans requested his father to play the song often, but he never told him, not even once, that he missed her badly.

"It was a billboard song a few years ago. Hans hated it so Kiara would sing it to him often." Shakespeare fondly recounted it to him several interviews ago. "I would often hear them arguing, Hans would tell her she sings like a frog and she would make a face until they would laugh together again. Haha...those kids." he remembered the old man choking back his tears, telling him in the faintest of whispers how he wished he could get back to those days.

He couldn't even imagine the type of life Shakespeare had lived. He lost both his wife and stepson to cancer and now...the girl who he thought of as his own daughter is barely holding on to life.

"...rule...world..." a trail of tears fell on her cheeks. He could hear her breath in rhythmic motion, as if she were attempting to sing but a voice didn't come out.

"Kiara?" he wanted to confirm something.

The woman with distant eyes looked at him. Eventually, he heard her voice. "Doctor...Roman..."

'Kiara!!!' He wanted to shout with all his might, but he chose to remain calm in his seat and pressed the nurse call button.

Finally...

"Could you please excuse me, Miss Nightingale and look after her for a while? I need to call Da Vinci."

"Yes, doctor."

Once he was out of the room, he felt himself breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe...maybe tonight, he can make Ritsuka dinner for a change.

What was it that she craved this time? Peanut butter on pickles? Or was it wheat bread with liver spread and Nutella? By god, he can buy the entire grocery store right now with how relieved and happy he felt.

"Is she still on a therapy session?"

He kept on being connected to her answering machine so he eventually gave up and left her a message.

"Check your email, Leo." he paused for a bit. "We did it!"...before adjusting to a livelier tone.

Then, he speed dialed Ritsuka's number and could barely hold in his excitement.

"Honey, I might come home early tonight."

Contrary to the cheer he assumed she would hear on the other line, his wife only laughed. "To sleep?"

Now, he felt naughty. "That depends. Does that involve you being naked on bed with me?"

"Oh my god! So your libido actually exists!". Hey, she didn't know. He might have some of that stuff saved up in his dreams.

"So no oysters then?" he teased.

"Maybe if you say your please and thank you's."

Score!

"I need to go. Still need to run a few more tests." he wanted to talk longer but he needed more data for Kiara's huge progress for today.

"Okay, I love you."

"Yeah. Love you too."

* * *

 

Sessyoin Kiara is taking her first few steps towards rehabilitation.

It had been indistinguishable noises at first, then Kiara would start humming, responding to conversations with more than moans and mimicry. It took a while for her to form sentences but with Romani's patient guidance, she was on her way to recovery. Miss Nightingale reported her behavior in utmost detail, often accompanying her in song or reading her fairytales, particularly told by an old, enduring love, and it was plenty helpful in giving her the correct intervention.

Shakespeare also dabbled in fairytales recently to celebrate his "daughter's" recovery. She is still a lot more quiet than before, but she looked more like her old self.

"Hm, what is it Kiara?"

She kept on looking past Nightingale's shoulder that it made the ward nurse blink in confusion at her.

"They're sisters who volunteered for the children's ward. A priest would come here later to hold a mass."

"Holding...a...mass..." Kiara uttered in vague familiarity.

"Are you interested in going?"

She nodded.

"Understood. I will inform the doctor. Also..."

"?"

"I have a friend there." she pointed at the sisters waiting at the lobby. "If you want, I can tell the doctor for her to accompany you."

* * *

Everything was going smoothly. Sleep had been bountiful, his wife loved plenty, Galahad was finally tolerating Lancelot (probably) and Kiara was getting better.

Miss Nightingale actually informed him that Kiara had been taking the initiative lately. In fact, he was currently entertaining both Nightingale and her friend in his home who promised to go into detail about everything that happened so far one particular off day.

"Doctor, thank you for your kind hospitality." Nightingale tried to bow her head but Romani had stopped her prematurely.

"No need to be so formal. We're not at the hospital anymore," Romani reassured her. "In fact, I would prefer it if we all adress each other casually."

"With all due respect sir-"

"Please, I insist."

He heard the ward nurse clear her throat.

"Mr. Romani. Thank you for welcoming us in your home."

He smiled. "Of course. Please make yourselves comfortable, Miss Florence." He looked at the flustered nurse to see if she didn't mind the first name basis and she nodded at him.

"Hello there," then he turned to the graceful presence sitting next to Florence. "I am Romani Archaman. I work as a psychiatrist at CPH. Although...I'm more known in my field as a forensic psychologist."

"Yes, the genius doctor dubbed as 'The Solomon of Modern Pscyhology--'"

"P-please, just call me Roman or Romani."

"Romani?" The graceful woman smiled back. "My name is Martha. I am a sister affiliated with the Fuyuki Diocese. It's a pleasure."

"Likewise. Ah, this is my wife Ritsuka," he looked up at his Missus who handed everyone the refreshments and thanked her gleefuly. "She makes the best beignets and coffee."

He saw Ritsuka's ears turn red at the compliments. She was so embarrassed to the point that she bolted off immediately as soon as she said her greetings. This made him laugh quietly to himself. "Please, don't be shy and eat breakfast with me if you haven't already. We have all morning to discuss about this."

"If you insist, d- Romani." Florence obediently took a beignet and hummed in satisfaction. "She is a treasure. These taste amazing."

"Yeah. I'm the happiest man alive!"

The two turned their direction at Martha who let out a weird sound so suddenly, "O-oh, sorry! I don't get to eat something so delicious very often." she blushed. "Not as worse with the nuns from the monastery,but I am careful not to indulge myself too much."

"I will tell my wife you enjoyed her cooking."

"Yes, please appreciate her in any way you could!" Martha added, "A-anyway...I think you already know why I'm here, correct?"

"Yes, you are that sister who got acquainted with Sessyoin at mass."

Martha nodded. "It was supposed to be a temporary companionship, but she had expressed interest in our practice."

"I see," she did have very religious parents growing up, so he wasn't really surprised. "And that's why you have been visiting her more frequently?"

"She had gotten more talkative...in her own way." Martha said as she took a sip of some coffee. "She prays very diligently, and well...she tries her best." the woman still wasn't able to utter complete sentences without pausing for too long.

"That's good."

"A-anyway, sir...Romani." Florence and Martha exchanged looks. "Martha wants to take Kiara with her once she is discharged."

He expected the conversation would go this way. "Did you ask her?"

Martha nodded. "Actually, we talked about it. Both with her and Mr. Shakespeare."

So they thought this far ahead.

"And what did they both say?"

"Would I be scolded for making the patient cry?"

Romani laughed at that innocent question. "Don't worry, Martha. Making patients cry happens more often than you think." He remembered panicking about crying patients in his intern days. "It's a sign of trust and sincerity. They're opening up to you."

"Mr. Shakespeare also insisted." Florence added. "He says he saw Kiara coming back to her old self when she's with us." he visited Kiara once she had gotten more stable and stumbled upon the two while they were praying the rosary with her in her room.

"If the patient approves as well as her guardian, then I don't see the problem." Kiara's parents died very early so it was often Shakespeare who acted as her guardian. "I suppose you came here to know more details about her condition?"

The two nodded.

"I see. That makes me happy." Romani had a fond smile on his face. "I'm glad she has friends who care about her."

"Friend...ah. Perhaps that is how we feel about her. It has crossed the boundaries of professionalism. But...I suppose I don't mind."

"Kiara is a sweet girl, and she doesn't have any other girls her own age who comes by." from what the two of them heard from Shakespeare, she didn't have any close friends or family. She lived alone in her house, being passed around by random distant relatives until she was old enough to live independently.

"We heard from her guardian that she was deeply saddened when her childhood friend died, and had been blaming herself for not being there for him in his final moments."

Blaming is an understatement, but they didn't need to know that...yet.

"If he has told you two that much, he probably trusts the both of you as well." He excused himself to get some documents and proceeded to talk to them about some details of her case without revealing too much. It was Kiara's right to tell them the whole truth about herself.

"She takes these anti-psychotic drugs once a day. And to make her sleep..." he apologised for his incomprehensible prescriptions so he asked them to take notes of the generic names of the medicine instead. "It would be good to talk to her everyday. But make sure to avoid these topics for now..." he encircled some words in his notes that were seemingly written in hieroglyphics. "Andersen especially, is still a very sensitive topic to her. She doesn't mind reading his stories, and she likes listening to the song he played in his hospital room often. But as for the actual person himself..." he remembered the poor boy she almost killed. "It's best not to let her see photos of him."

They nodded without question.

"If she continues to make this much progress, and will respond favorably to Da Vinci's therapy, give or take, she'd be discharged as early as 3 months from now."

* * *

"The two of them seem to really care about her." Ritsuka leaned on her husband's shoulder.

Martha and Florence already left a while ago and the couple were left alone again. It was a rare day off for Romani so they wanted to make the most of it. "Yeah. You did well today, being the caring hous-- oww!"

"You had a lot of fun teasing me in front of those girls." Ritsuka pinched his cheek. "Anything to say, oh great Solomon?"

"Now now, honey. I just wanted to show you off."

"You do that all the time!"

"But you're so cute!" to make a point, he even wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss. "I think any man would love to tell the world that you're his wife."

Ritsuka's cheeks reddened. "Geez. What happened to Mr. Sleepy McSnoozesaLot?"

"Asleep. Too bad you have to deal with Mr. Husband now."

"I think I prefer the sleepier version, actually."

"That's not what you said last night."

Ritsuka rolled her eyes and hugged back the sappy old fool. "Romani? About what Da Vinci said..."

"It's best to keep it from them."

"I think so too." she took in his scent and breathed a sigh of relief. "Nevermind Artoria, but if Mash hears about it..."

"She wouldn't, don't worry."

"It isn't her fault."

"We know that. It's just a theory. Mash isn't at fault."

But, it continued to bother Ritsuka. The conversations, the trigger, the possibilities of someone important to her being the catalyst of a tragedy that could have happened if it wasn't prevented. She knew it wasn't Mash. And it wasn't Kiara either. But to someone who didn't know the entire story, they would easily point their fingers to someone having even a speck of unproven suspicions to them.

"It must be the hormones...oh, sweetheart. I don't want Mash to be saddened by this."

"Mhmmm..." he kissed her cheek again. "We'll just have to keep the secret to our graves."

"Promise?" her pouting was so cute...

"Promise."

...that he sealed her worrying lips with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost at the end (of the prequel anyway)!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my new AnKia series! It was originally going to be a lot darker with legal aspects more heavily tied into it but I wanted it to be short so I scrapped the idea. This story is based in an AU where FGO!Kiara/Kiara Lily is childhood friends with Hans.


End file.
